I feel like it has been ages since I made a blog entry - I guess it has been. "I'm in a weird place in my life right now" I thought a few days back. In between jobs, in between countries, in between it all really. I have been thinking about myself as a creator, son, brother, boyfriend, and all round human a lot lately. (I hope you are a fan of oxford commas) And when I do, I mostly see flaws. I think everyone does. Brings one to wonder why we focus so much on the negative aspects of our lives. Yes, I know the idea about flaws being our focus seeing as that is the aspect we can improve on. Trying to reach perfection is a race we as humans love to take part in. But has anyone ever won? Is there a "perfect" human? Or is it all just a big fucking mirage in the hot dry desert that is life.
Now thinking back to when I was on more stable ground than I am on now, it's hard to really find any... So am I REALLY in such a weird place right now? Haven't I always been? As far back as I can remember, I've never been on solid ground. I've always been up in the air grabbing at some stability - never finding any though. To some degree I guess it has made me more flexible, more versatile. But then on the other hand it has also made me bat shit fucking crazy.
Some nights I lay in bed doubting my sanity and I mean REALLY doubting my sanity. Not just "Oooh I'm a crazy one hey! Haha." but more like "Shit why am I lying on the floor naked at 3am eating this raw onion?" Yes, we all are a little crazy. I think you are crazy not to be, with the terror life and existence is.
Basically what I'm getting at is that our lives (mine at least) is never going to be a smooth train ride to tea with the fam. It's mostly going to be a terrifying dash through a dark creaking forest with sprinting motherfucking zombies grabbing at the back of your shirt. I'm not saying there aren't any highs in life. There certainly are. Just remember that it will eventually pass and you will dip into a low. Maybe the high is higher than the low is low, and so your life will average out to be a high? A certain meme comes to mind...The Persian proverb "This too shall pass" does too. (I need to get that bitch tattoo'd some day)
Life is a perpetual S-curve, and it will always be. Expect the worst, do your best, and RUN motherfucker RUN! PS: There is a recipe to happiness. It's the result of hard work, if you want more happiness - do more work.